feel alone

I feel so alone......     I dont know why but lately I just feel alone  I am almost done with my CNA class overall I have a 98 all I have left is state board next week. Then RN starts in August. Tonight is the 4 night in 3 weeks that Ie lost an eldery. I hurt my heart hurts!!!   I have grown with these  people... hubby and wife going to bed together holding hands and then to lose one after 67 yrs.... my heart hurts.... I love these "lovebugs" I love them so much.... the elderly love too they cry their hear breaks!!!!!!  tonight we lost another loved one 4 in 2 weeks!!!!!! I have cried I have shed tears!!!! 
Is it wrong to feel greedy my dad went to heaven at 54yrs old!!!! Memorial Day weekeend is going to be hard on me 3 yrs since I heard his voice I miss my dad so much! I want one second with him... the other nigh I had a dream and he just smiled at me I tried so hard to have him talk to me all he did was smile papa I miss you please visit me again and talk to me!!!! I miss you so much and love you so much... I never thought I would lose you at the age of 54 ( me 31) I love and miss you so much the kids are getting so big they talk about you a lot and miss u!!!!  The boys are in baseball and dancer is in about to start softballl.  
   B and I are doing great!!! We dont see each other that much due to our schedules... I miss him so much!!!! 
The kids are all doing well! I miss the boys so much and cant wait til July when they are here for a month!!!! 

blue

Woke up feeling blue...bad night last night didnt sleep a bit... bad T-storms,tornado warnings, my baby scared as I held her my heart aches so bad to hold my boys. As I face my fears today I will try my hardest to hold my head high, shoulders back, and smile on my face. Not let anyone see the fear I have, the hurt in my heart, the wall that I have built around me so no one can hurt me. I am taking steps baby steps one foot in front of the other. It doesnt happen overnight, it takes time, a long time but I will overcome this one day. I know that God is watching over me and carrying me through it all. I also know that I have my angels (papa,and both my grandpas) getting me through every second of the day. so for now I am gonna go wake my baby girl up for school and hug her a lil tighter this morning. 

Today wrapped up week 3

of weight watchers!!! I walked in expected to just stay the same I mean my 1st two weigh-ins I lost 11.2. Not to mention that I didnt track like I should have but to my surprise I lost another 2.4 making 3 week loss totalling 13.6. I am sooo excited.  I have now moved my goal to 12.2 more lbs. This is sooo easy. I dont even feel like I am on a diet.

School is going great last night was my 1st test and I got a 91%  4 more and a state board to go and I am on my way up in the nursing field.  I also have my final interview tomorrow I will post more info when I for sure get the job. Prayers please. 

The kids are all doing good. The boys are settling in at their new school in Washington. They really seem to like it so far. That makes me feel really good. Dancer is doing good too. She is doing great in school and really doing well here in Mo.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Tuesday night ( Teen Mom 2 is on tonight) wooohoo

Misty

week 2 of weight watchers

Tuesdays are my weekly weigh in at Weight Watchers. This is week 2 and I was so nervous about weighing in cause I ate out every night this past weekend and ate some chocolate and cherry sours. Aunt Flo came to visit so I was on an eating rampage. So I walked through the doors and stepped on that scale and to my surprise down 7 pounds!!!!!! making 2 week grand total 11.2 lbs lost!!! I am sooo excited I am finding my way to skinny day by day!!!

Everyone is home for Presidents Day. the weather here in Ft LW has been beautiful not warm but nice suns out and everything. I love having B and dancer home. I love just having them close to me. I am really missing my boys. They are now in Ft Lewis due to their dads new duty station. They just got there yesterday and I feel so distant from them. Tx was far but Washington is sooo far away. I tell myself everyday and pray that one day they come home. They do seem happy. I know that they are at the age where they are busy so I dont hear from them everyday. I call them everyday and leave a message or text and sometimes they respond and sometimes they dont. They will be here for a month during the summer and I cant wait. I cant wait to have all of the kids together. Siblings are not suposed to be split up and mine are. I know that this is what they wanted but it just hurts. One day my babies will all be together again may be next month, next year or years down the road but one day. I pray. Their dad has blocked me from viewing there FB pages so I cant see what is goin on in their daily life. I miss them I miss their face their voice their laugh everything about them.  Today is hard harder then other days. I have my moments where all I do is cry. My heart hurts so much for my boys. They are growing up so fast and I am missing it all.

I love you boys so much. There is not a day that goes by that I dont think about you and miss you

Weight Watcher weigh

Week one of watchers is complete. I have been so nervous all day. I drove there to find it closed due to the weather  GRRRRR.... So I have to wait til next Tues to weigh in ( I live in the stix Ft Leonard Wood and only 1 day a week for the meeting.) So I came home all bummed. I decided to weigh myself using my own scale and I am down 4.3 pounds!!! I am soooo excited 4.3 pounds lighter and so ready to get to my goal weight. 27 more to go and I am so ready to get find my skinny!!!

Snow day

Today dancers school was canceled so what does that mean???  mommy/daughter day!!! I was suposed to start school tonight but it was canceled too so I guess I have to wait til Wed for class.

Dancer and I are off this morning to the Dr. for her CYS/sports physical and few other places and then home for some hot cocoa with marshmellows. I love these days. I love just cuddling with a blanket with her watching tv..yes its usually her pic which is dagrassi,vampire diaries or teen disney but hey its ok with me its the time we spend together and the memories that I want her to remember. Will post more later